I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
