She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
