Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
