apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
