If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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