i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
