he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
