I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
