you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
