This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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