Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
