you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
