i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
