I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just google imaged poop.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
