watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
