Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
