A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I want a musical about memes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
