Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
