We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
