I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
