I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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