One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
