so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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