So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
