Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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