Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
