new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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