I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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