Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
