Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
