I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
