We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
