I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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