Can i not drive my cunt home
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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