Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
