"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
