I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
