Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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