So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
