you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In other news, I just burned my penis
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
