Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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