Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
