I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
