dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
