If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
