sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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