rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
