If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
