He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
