you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
