She is in my trunk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
